Thoughts & Doubts on a Love Seat!

My mornings typically consist of coffee, journaling, reading and above all, time spent in silence. I think it was Ferris Buehler who once said "Life can be pretty crazy, if you don't stop to enjoy it." I'm not completely sure that is the correct quote, but many of you will get the gist. For all of us, life is hectic and fast-paced. There is always something that needs to be done or in our eyes needs our immediate attention.

As of recent (recent, meaning a year or so) I've found myself arising early in the morning, especially on weekends, not only to drink coffee, which I very much enjoy, but to spend time by myself and with God. My father would be somewhat surprised to discover that I can no longer sleep like I used to. Back in the day, I could sleep anytime, anywhere and the noon hour was definitely my favorite time to wake up. But it seems as if those days are over. If I had to trade a great cup of coffee for sleeping in, I definitely would take the cup of coffee.

Where was I? Silence and solitude. These times alone are often quite difficult. The mind races and the body feels as if it has to be doing something. Often in the morning as I spout off a few thoughts to God, journal, maybe even read some Scripture, I'm struck with the mystery of who God is and what He's up to in our world. Oddly enough, it's often in the morning that I have my deepest doubts. I sit on the love seat in our living room and constantly wonder if I'm crazy for believing the things that I do. And not just believing, but trying to live accordingly. But I wonder if I have these doubts because it's during this time that I am confronted with something much much bigger than myself.

As humans, especially in America, we are so reliant on ourselves. From day one, our culture has molded us to be so. Now to be independent and able to take care of business isn't a bad thing in and of itself. It's when we forget the Source from which our strength, health, wealth, etc. come from that we are in trouble. And I think when we forget the Source, it leads us to the "love seats" of our lives where we doubt and wrestle with the existence of the God and Creator who is the Source of all things. Perhaps when we are so reliant on our selves and so self-focused that to think of anything bigger than us (we, who are gods in our own minds) obviously means it can't exist.

Yet this has been our problem from the beginning hasn't it? When Adam and Eve ate of the Tree in the Garden, they aspired to be like God knowing "good and evil." They doubted God's goodness. They doubted God's intention for His creation. Essentially, they doubted God. Now whether you believe the story of Adam and Eve as a literal and factual story is beside the point. Author and Pastor Rob Bell, in his book Velvet Elvis, put it this way, he says "the point isn't that it happened, the point is that it happens." In other words, the point isn't that the story of Adam and Eve is actual literal history, the point is that their prideful actions of aspiring to be like God happens every day with us. And because of our actions we not only distance our self from God, but grow in our distrust and disbelief in Him. Because of our actions we end up on the "love seats" of our lives wrestling, doubting and trying to relearn what it means to trust God again.

God, would you embrace us.
God, would you forgive us.
God, would you ignite our imaginations.

May the love seats of our lives be renewed and transformed.
May they be places where we meet with the Living God. The God and Father of Jesus Christ, who has shown us His love, grace and mercy through his life, death and resurrection.